After his passing I found out he'd been responsible for a bear paste up on the old Tunnels nightclub. As a regular at the club, we passed this symbol often and wondered where it had come from. To me it marked the first piece of street art, a paste up, that I can remember seeing in the city. To find out it had been created by my late friend was mind blowing. Indeed his mum told me of finding the rotten tub of wheat paste under his bed that he'd used to put up many of his art works.
But Nickys death really left me feeling helpless and lost. He'd was the first of my friends to pass and is sadly not the last. Being only a year older, we hung out on school lunch breaks and later on during our time at college. From drinking and partying into the early hours only a week before to the phone call the next Sunday telling me of his passing, I wondered how could such a thing happen? How unfair it all seemed and still does. To say Nicky represented the best of my peers is an understatement, he was set for success in whatever field he persued, whether it be art, design or music all of which he excelled at. And that's one aspect that stings, to see such a talented friend with so much potential, just lost. Of course the pain and sadness I felt paled in comparison to his close friends and family. His mum and dad, despite having only met me at his funeral showed me so much love and compassion along with his sisters, even helping me massively 2 years later when my friend James sadly passed away.
From the grief and pain I found a release and a way to honour Nicky through placing bear stickers up on the streets. From nightclubs in Aberdeen, to lampposts in London, Barcelona and Rome, giant stencils at Queens Cross and hanging bears in Stavanger. It's led to 13 years of love for both his family and for him. This is really the starting point for all the creative adventures I've had over the years. Indeed these actions have led both directly and indirectly to everything I'm doing now via Nuart. Although some friends know about my connection to Nicky and the bears it's always about him and it's always something I do for him & his family. There's also been a real healing aspect to it, the act of remembrance, the act of exploring to find good spots and the time of quiet reflection to remember the many amazing and fun times we had while a new bear appears, leaving its mark on a wall.
Indeed this time of year releases a sort of muscle memory for grief. I awoke early on Thursday morning in Stavanger and felt so annoyed that Nicky wasn't here, annoyed at all the amazing music and art he's missed out on hearing and seeing. I cried a little before going back to sleep, knowing I had a long few days ahead working on the Nuart production. But in between working on the big indoor exhibition I took some hanging bears down to the water at Tou Scene and began putting them up in a tree. A sense of calm came over me as the bears slowly swirled in the wind. People started to walk up onto the grass and started taking pictures, small kids made their parents take a detour so they could walk past them. In the city centre I placed up some more in the evening and watched as a group of school kids stopped to watch them flap about in the wind the next day. Although they don't know what they represent, the kids still connected to them. That really made me smile. I think Nicky would have liked seeing that.
As always, these actions are for Nicky and his family. Always done with respect and love. Thinking of everyone today who was touched by Nicky and all our lost friends. Here's to supporting each other through the bad times and remembering the good. x
